I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize