Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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