Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
