Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
