I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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