On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize