You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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