you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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