I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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