i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize