will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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