New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Barsexuality is the new black.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize