i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need a shit load of segways right now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
