He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
