so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my poor anus
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
