I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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