oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
