Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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