Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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