I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this boner is exhausting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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