I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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