Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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