M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
