bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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