you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
