I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two words: eviction party
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
