My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
