Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
