I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
