he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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