everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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