you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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