was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
