I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
