John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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