Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize