do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
