I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
