come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
