Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
