My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
