forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
