this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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