What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
