No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
