If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
