I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize