i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
