i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
