Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
