I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
