new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
