I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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