saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
