Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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