You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
