did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
