At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I pour the whiskey from now on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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