Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
