I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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