I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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