cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
