We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
