Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
