girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
