Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He has the fingertips of a God
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
