Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize