how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
