i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
