i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
