I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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