he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
