gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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