Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
