Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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