She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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