you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
