ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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