I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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