I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
