So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
