I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
