i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
