"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
