my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
