If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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