things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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