Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
