Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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