can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
