currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there is puke in my bra ... again
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