When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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