i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
