This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
