My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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