Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize