Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
